how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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