first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
