did you get engaged???
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
