you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
