just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
