Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
please don't ironically join a cult
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