Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
