I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
