Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
