Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
