It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
