I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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