I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
