need another drink. this is the easiest way
nut hugger
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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