i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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