He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
