Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
