I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
