i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
