Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have surprise drugs for everyone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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