After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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