Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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