If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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