He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
