I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
