it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
