Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Still dying that you shit outside
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
