She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
