we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
