help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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