Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
