everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
