bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
