Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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