watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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