I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
did i just pee glitter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
