Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
