ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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