wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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