Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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