don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
