i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
