Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
