Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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