You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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