they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
