aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
