I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
