Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
