Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
