Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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