it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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