I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
