p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So. Much. Porn.
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