There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
