I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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