after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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