I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
