At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Someone came in the potted fern
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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