I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
