you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have aggressive nipples.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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