it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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