My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
