I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
