Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
