Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
