bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
