All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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