Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
