I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
