i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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