Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
