I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
