He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
