I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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