Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
