She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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