I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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