I will die if light touches me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
