So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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