Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
