yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
