Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
